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Happy Canada Day!

Thursday June 30th, 2011

Happy Canada Day fellow Canadians!

What better way to kick off a long weekend then to read a funny joke! Enjoy your weekend and play safe!

 

Canadian football fields have one less down, and bigger balls

The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes

 

You may be living in Canada if….

You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so that you don't miss Hockey Night.

You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."

You know that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) don't always look like that.

You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.

You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.

You think Peter Kent is sexy.

You think Matt Damon is so-so.

You think Great Big Sea isn't Atlantic-centric enough.

Your backpack has more than one Canadian flag iron-on (and you always have room for more).

You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging. 

You remember "Jodie" from Today's Special and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC. 

You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.

You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You scream passionately at the television when your favourite Canadian performers are overlooked by their respective academies. 

You think -10 C is mild weather. 

You know the ingredients for poutine. 

You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up. 

You substitute beer for water when cooking. 

You carry empty beer cans from your camping trips home with you in your backpack so you can recycle them when you reach civilization. 

You prefer Elvis Stojko when he has 'hockey hair' - a.k.a. 'the mullet' or 'the shorty-longback'. 

You die a little inside if you can't get your Tim's double-double every morning. 

You know the difference between real snow and "television".

Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize. 

You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize. 

Complete the phrase: "The good old ____ game is the best ____ you can ____."

Your local zoo is mainly flamingoes, giraffes and sad elephants freezing their asses off against a backdrop of pine trees, grey skies, and precambrian shield formations.

You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK"

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink Pop, not Soda.

You know that a Mickey and 24's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!"

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays (not vacation), with good cigars and no Americans.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway

You drive on a highway, not a freeway

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You cried when you heard that "Mr Dress Up" died recently.

You know what a toque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed"

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a hot day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

You call it a BUN not a "Roll"

Its called a WASHROOM not a lavatory or powder room or rest room.

You've had your tongue frozen to something and lived to tell about it.

You know that in Canada the mosquitoes have landing lights

You have more kilometers on your snow blower than your car.

You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores before Christmas.

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.

Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You know which leaves make for good toilet paper.

You find -40C a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a freezer.

You can play road hockey on skates.

 

You may be a little too Canadian if..

You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

You automatically read 'Z' as 'Zed' and don't give a damn that it doesn't rhyme with "now I know my abcs".

You are moved to tears by those Bell Canada phone commercials they show around Remembrance Day, where the grandson calls his granddad from Dieppe. You understand the manipulative nature of the advertisement, but continue to be moved, nonetheless. 

When abroad, you have a cold fear that somebody might mistake you for an American. You make a point of deliberately being kind to locals just to make it clear you are a Canadian.

You are too Canadian if...

You've ever said, 'I need more flannel.'

You read rather than scanned over this list!

 

 

source : http://www.indefual.net/canada/jokes/mb-cnd.html